Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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