Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
