I puked a lego.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
