you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
