I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
