I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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