I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
