i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
