I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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