I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
