and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
