He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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