I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This house was built for laser tag.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
