my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
