i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
