When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
