My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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