He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
