I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
