so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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