My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Randomize
