so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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