girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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