I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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