between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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