I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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