No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
