she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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