im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
