Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
