The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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