he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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