so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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