dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
