He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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