Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
