3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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