One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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