So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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