when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
