You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
