the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
