i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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