smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
