just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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