Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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