My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
