new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
