Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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