cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
